Based on the Bible verses I read tonight, I realized that 'fear' and 'danger' reveals the level of my faith.
According to the book of Samuel, King Saul led the Israel army to assault the Philistines. At that time, the Philistines were very strong and powerful. When the Philistines knew the Israel army coming for them, they prepared chariots, charioteers and soldiers as numerous as sand. Seeing the considerable size of the Philistines army, the Israelites hid under the rocks, behind the trees and even ran away because they were overwhelmed and actually were scared to defeat the powerful Philistine.
If I were one of the Israel soldier, I think that I would do the same thing. Seeing the numerous soldiers and high-tech chariots would be very threatening.
Not only in the war, but also in every little moment in life tests my level of faith. And that is very frustrating because, though it's transitory, I feel that I am losing my own good for keeping my sincerity to Him.
As I grow old, aging and feeling time flying faster and faster, the feeling of fear would not let me be free from it. Rather, it is inevitable. :(
After defeating the fear for interviews for college entrance tests, I thought I was brave enough. Then, numerous interviews were waiting for me ahead like, in everything I want to do such as dance crew, volunteering abroad, internship blah blah blah...
Also, I realized I have fear for relationship as well. Well, significantly, fear is accompanied by love relationship. There I fall again.
In these times, staying faithful is really difficult. And it's getting tougher.
But I see myself coming back to Him no matter what.
First, keeping faith in times of difficulty, meaning praying, reading the Bible, going to the church and especially emptying myself seem.. a bit unhelpful. It seems keeping faith does not solve the problem at this moment. It must be solved in a minute and yet, having time to pray seem silly. However, in the long-term, it always has been the wisest choice to pray amidst difficulty. Emptying myself makes me brave and believing His presence in this awful situation strengthens me whatsoever. After all, I realize that He gives the best out of difficulties.
Second, as my faith grows, I grow stronger. Meaning to say, failure and hardship are always difficult to accept. But because of the level of faith I have nurtured from the past, I can stay calm and feel like, "so, okay. What is He going to do with this?" It becomes easier to accept that such hardship is another door, which I must go through. Well, some difficulties are by-products of my fault or my stupidity, but mostly it's along my life path to get over with such difficulties. So, as my faith grows, I become more calm and prudent handling hardships.
fear is inevitable. However, in times of fear, it's the shining moment of my faith.
"The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5
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