After three hectic weeks of examinations, papers, and 'Soya Island Blessing' preparation, the semester is over. Thinking of the year 2013 as a junior was, both, relaxing and HORRIBLE. Because my job as a vice-president of RiZE was done, I thought my life would be much simpler. But, well, that was a wrong guess. I did not expect that year 2013 would be as various and unprecedented as last year. For the first half, my life was holy and jolly. The second half, dynamics of feelings and events took place.
The first thing about the first half that came into my mind was: CDC – Christian Discipleship Course. This course not only taught me biblical lessons in depth but also deepened my relationship with God. Required participation of early morning worship service (attendance checked!), everyday Quiet Time, and Group sharing nourished my faith. Of all, I learned the significance of early morning service. Compared to all other services, it is the one which I can really concentrate on myself, and live the rest of the day in God. I can hear God more clearly when I pray in the early morning services. I did not know it that time, but now I know it very well that I was really intimate with God when I took CDC class. I believe that CDC lectures, early morning services and QT were the most significant factors to my relationship with God.
Also, my grades in the first half got improved. I enjoyed studying. I remember I finally found the essence of learning PDK. I captured what the professor wanted to teach us while I was preparing for the final. I was proud of myself, and Thank God I passed the course after re-taking it. I remember I went to Tuesday Holy Spirit Service (화요성령집회) after the final. I really laid all my work, all my exams for the first half on His feet and glorified Him for what He had offered me. So, holy that semester… haha.
Oh, and I remember Soyoung's boyfriend (ex- now.) and Soyoung were dating in the campus. I remember Yeeun having hard time in faith too. Then, thinking of myself, I was tranquil and calm in terms of love relationship. I was so peaceful in God. I was happy enough without any "guys" beside me. I was all happy with God J then, how did I realize that the first semester was holy and jolly? because the second semester was all… turbulence.
After the summer break (after the summer chemistry class in Sogang, Soya Island Outreach, and 사랑부 summer camp and break), fall semester started with 4 majors and 2 electives. I did not realize that these were hectic like s***. I had International Security and Peace subject which I had a 20-pages Group Paper, one semester-long Research Writing Paper, Mythology Paper, Global Strategic Management three assignments and abrupt 10-pages Analytical Paper (the professor assigned us this out of blue moon), two presentations and exams J WOW. I want to hug myself for having fulfilled all these works. I don't know about the grades yet, but I am afraid of C+ because I took the exams with the least least least preparation this semester. I was quite disappointed with myself until the last day of the exam. I disparaged myself for not having done my best till the last minute. I was all worn out due to papers, heaps of assignments and Soya Preparation.
About my dream, I had a turning point here. I am not going to graduate straight. I will take one sem off for an internship and I have already applied for an exchange student to Spain. It was so spontaneous. I think my long desire for these were repressed for almost one and a half year and exploded this semester. My plan for a graduate school is cancelled for now. I want more various experiences before I graduate.
Another thing that really made my semester was my ex-boyfriend. The funny thing is, we only dated two weeks or so. But one thing for sure, I really liked him and I wanted to keep the relationship for longer than what really happened! lol (I don't know about the other way because he is the one who ran away.) But, from this, I learned many lessons. One is that, I am still weak. I felt huge disappointment and loss but it was more hurtful that such thing influenced my relationship with God. For the last semester, everyday, I cried that I really love God and I will not let go of him no matter what. But, I saw myself being angry and skeptical to God. I asked God, "Why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? Did I do something wrong?" but, I know, He did not make this happen to punish me for something. I am still figuring out what it is. But in any way, it was for my good. Thank God, I recovered quite quickly thanks to my friends and unnis who are wiser than me. Finally, I am on the stage of admitting the fact that he did not love me as much as I thought he did J soooo, yeah. what a… dynamic event I went through.
Now I am looking forward to Soya Island Christmas Blessing. I am preparing for this as a team leader. I think this will be another chance to feel God closely and worship His work with awe. Good bye Junior. Although you weren't good to me perfectly, you were worth it. My goal for straight A+ is gone but I don't know. He must have a way to make things go right.
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